In summer of ’07 I was working for a private contractor as a trainee electrician. It was a fuckin’ fantastic job cuz all we did was make conversation with the ladies and talk shit to each other… whilst doing our job of course.
One mornin’ I noticed that a mirror to my moped was stolen and I was actually kinda relieved…. because they looked kinda faggy on my ride and I was gonna take them down that night.
So as I meet with the guys for work, me and a co-worker…. (let’s call him Stewie ) were sent to an address which neither of us knew, for a job.
As we’re on my moped we realise we went passed the house and as we tried to turn in the middle of the street…then… SHIT HAPPENED!!!
We get rammed on our side by a black car with tinted windows, my rides crumbling beneath me and as soon as I regain composure I see Stewie getting smacked across the face and tossed into the car by two guys.
One of them tells me…”This isn’t of your concern”
And despite memorizing the license plate before they drove off…I followed the “Negro Code” that is, NO SNITCHIN’!!
Plus this type of shit always happened to Stewie…. he somehow managed to get raped by a crazy bitch the previous week after getting drugged by her.
So I called my boss and told him Stewie got kidnapped… he asked if I was serious, which I said I was and he burst out laughing XD.
We agreed calling the police would be too much hassle and he’ll pop up eventually.
Which he did…apparently they were looking for a paedophile that was sextin’ their lil’ cousin… followed her description, found Stewie, gave him a concussion with his own helmet and took him to the girl…
He wasn’t even the right guy….. XD
Sure enough they drop him off at the hospital, from where he called us and told us everything… he was given time off to recover but we gave him so much shit for it when he got back…
Later that day on my ride home I noticed that the other faggy mirror had broken off during the kidnappin’… problem solved with minimal effort.
For those concerned about Stewie he’s doing perfectly fine now and we still joke, about it to this day.
Ibiza, it’s the island everyone talks about during summer….but not for relaxing in sunshine, but rather getting’ SMASHED BEYOND YOUR LIMITS IN IT!!
The small island off the East coast of Spain is renowned for some having the best parties, DJ’s and clubs in this STOKED!! World we live in and it’s a place I see myself goin’ to this summer.
Just a short boat trip from either Valencia or Barcelona….or flight if you don’t wanna have an awesome boat party like we are at STOKETRAVEL!!!
With us you get an overnight boat party to the land of no rules, 2 nights at a beachfront resort, which I doubt you’ll spend much time in ;)…… because you’ll be too busy getting smashed at our OPEN BAR!!
Before you stumble down to one of the many clubs, such as Pacha, which we CONQUERED last time out, May 24th-28th are the dates…I’ll have shots waitin for you when you get there!!
With us the works done for you…all you have to do is well…show up!!
- At home, worrying about work or University
- Or partying it up in IBIZA!!!
Time for the Blaugrana to kick some London rich boy ass!!
During my time in Barcelona…partying was an everyday occurrence, whether it be a house party, bar hoppin’ or poppin’ bottles in the club, late nights were a frequent occasion.
On one of those club nights, my crew and I went to a place called Otto Zutz, we decided we were tired of the R&B section on the first floor and move to the House room above.
Fucked off my face and dancing with a hot blonde, my night is going ok so far…
Then my bladder vibrantly gets my attention and I decided to take a piss…being completely smashed off my face I had no idea where the bathroom was, despite going earlier that night.
So I stumbled out a door to find myself on the 2nd floor of a fire escape….and think…fuck it, why not?
I unleash my fire hydrant to soon realize a man was sprinting up the stairs…it was the bouncer…wishin’ me to rot in hell the bastard locks my arm behind my back and drags me down the stairs…I can’t help but have a fat smile on my face, because his head smelt like a strong mix of piss and Jack Daniels.
I WAS SMASHED..WHAT ELSE WOULD I DO?
Eventually he takes me to the front door and throws me in front of a moving car, I probably deserved it.
I haven’t been allowed back into that club.
But hey, when a man’s gotta go…HE’S GOTTA GO!
Apparently I upgraded my urinal depository because the above photo was taken during a recent trip to Valencia…
Party Hard, Party Stoke 😉
In Bermuda, the common thing to do when you first get your new moped is to fit it with illegal parts, race and hopefully not die. All of us have experienced near death occasions on the road, whether it be by our own negligence or just someone else being an asshole.
Here’s a case of me nearly dying…because of my own stupidity.
I’m in high school and class just ended, I live about 20 minutes away, so me and a friend decide to race home. For those who don’t know the size of the roads in Bermuda…their tiny, so small that the Government has limits on what cars are eligible to drive on them.
So, as we start off for yet another race, I decide to use some tactics because last time we rode…we were neck and neck until the final stretch until his bike’s power shat on mine down the final stretch. Since mine’s is more agile, I thought I’d take a few risky turns and roads along the way.
We start basic for the first 10 minutes, over-taking here and there until we both spot a Police car ahead….it stopped him, but not me…I cut across the street and nearly hit a car in order to speed down a foot path. There I gain pace, pass my friend and the Police (Fuck them by the way), but along the road I notice a women walking her baby…so I dodge them by turning on to the grass and realize the road is coming up and I have to cross it to get on the correct side.
That’s when I notice a bus coming from the other direction….too late to stop so I accelerate, and as I past the final tree I realize a car coming from the other direction…and the gap between life and death closing on me.
FUCK IT!!! Full throttle between the car and bus I go, then I realize I’m heading directly into a turn, so I make a hard right Valentino Rossi would be proud of….just to realize the traffic ahead of me was stopping….so I squeeze through traffic on the centre line until I can find space on either side…then I hear police sirens.
So eventually, I find a place to stop and the cop…obviously pissed off asked me….
“Son…Why are you drivin’ like a jackass”… my response
“I was racing”
He smirks, and realizes I couldn’t give a damn about what he had to say, and let me go.
And until my engine blew from stress…. there was only one way to go, FAST!!
As my homegirl rolls another joint on this magical day dedicated to Mary Jane, I just wanna give a shout to all the weed lovers out there celebrating 4/20 with me and my crew.
Because this is our day, we skip work, we skip class, we even skip weddings and funerals to celebrate it and there’s no reason to smoke alone, especially today.
Now before you wonder who the bastard writing this might be, my name is Randy, I was raised in the pot-smoking and sun-shining society of Bermuda, and moved to Barcelona after to enhance my partying technique.
There I spent 3 years, living the good life and meeting people from all over the planet, and I realized we have one thing in common, we all like to get stoked!
Now as I feel my surroundings begin to float around me from that joint, and I plant my food on the cheesy ground of the moon. Take that NASA!! 😛 And look down with my binoculars to see all the working people living the 9-5. I realize that they’re all working so hard, but going nowhere.
After I take another hit of Miss Mary and do a bit of space travel to prepare for the Bob Marley film coming out today. During my flight I’ll stop by Barcelona to work with party people for party people at Stoke Travel, and I gotta say it feels damn good.
And although I know knowledge of 4/20 isn’t as spread across the globe as it should be, I thought this would be a great way to spread it, and prepare for the upcoming Rototom Sunsplash this year in Bennicasim!!! http://www.rototomsunsplash.com/
But as I look in the mirror now to see my eyes have lowered and turned the bright red that say’s “I’m officially stoned”. I just wanna say to everyone.
Merry 4/20 to all….. and to all a good flight. 😉